smiling bright (it's blinding)
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Written for Grandma. Nobody had smiled at Percy like that since Audrey. (Warnings inside).


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise. **

_Written for Grandma. I'm sorry, and I love you :P _

Beta'd by My Angel, Angel.

**Word Count **\- 1222

**Warning **\- Character Death, Grief, General Angst.

* * *

**smiling bright (it's blinding) **

* * *

He almost didn't go to the funeral.

Someone had to stay with the kids, didn't they?

His mum helped him with his tie, and she didn't say anything when he cried silently because Audrey used to do that for him. Now she couldn't.

Now she never would again.

…

They expected him to talk, to tell them about Audrey's best qualities, but he couldn't force the words past his lips.

He knew what he wanted to say; that she was a great wife, his best friend, a fantastic mum, but the words all seemed empty when he thought about them.

They were true, but they didn't matter.

She wasn't here anymore to hear them, and she was the only one who needed to know how he felt about her.

…

He watched the coffin lower, and he threw his rose in with the others. He'd wanted carnations—Audrey loved carnations—but her father had insisted on roses, and who was Percy to argue.

Audrey _did _deserve the best, even if she sometimes didn't want it.

Percy himself was proof of that, wasn't he?

…

Molly and Lucy didn't understand.

They were too young to understand that Mummy wasn't coming home.

He listened to them cry, and he didn't know what to do to make them stop. He was barely holding himself together, how was he supposed to hold them together too?

…

Percy refused the time off work. His mum had already been childminding for them, and he didn't want to disturb their routine.

Besides, his mum was better with them. Percy feared that if left alone with them for too long, he'd only make things worse.

Audrey had been the parent that soothed the hurt, hadn't she?

Percy didn't really know how.

…

Some days, Percy thought he was healing.

He could laugh at the girls' antics, smile for his mum, and believe that somehow everything would be okay.

Other days, it was hard to even drag himself out of bed.

…

His brothers were there.

George especially.

He was great with the girls, and he didn't judge when Percy opened the whisky bottle on the hard days.

Instead, he handed over a tissue and told Percy about the newest products in his joke shop until Percy stopped crying.

…

A year passed, and Percy found smiling easier.

Two years passed, and he could look at the photo on the wall without wishing that he could join Audrey beneath the soil.

The girls were doing better too.

Looking back, Percy thought that maybe they'd understood more than he thought. He didn't know if that was good or bad, but their smiles were brighter so he tried not to worry about it.

…

"I'll go, Mum," Percy said, grabbing his scarf from the back of the sofa. "It'll be nice to see Molly playing, I don't get to see enough of what they get up too."

"Are you sure, Dear?" his mum asked, looking down at her knitting. "It's really no problem for me to pick her up."

Percy shook his head. "It's fine. I'll see you in the morning?"

She nodded and smiled, and he kissed her cheek and called a goodbye to his father, before leaving the house.

…

Watching Molly kick a ball around a field shouldn't have been as invigorating as it was, Percy mused as he watched his daughter.

She seemed to be having the best time though, and he found himself cheering as she scored a goal.

He wondered if she'd seen him there watching. He hadn't been lying when he said that he'd missed too many of the girls' events.

He was trying to do better though.

…

"Dad! Dad, did you see me score?"

"I did," Percy replied with a grin, hugging her back when she threw her arms around his waist. The mud wouldn't stain… hopefully.

Even if it did, he could always buy a new jacket.

"Come and meet Mr Wood, Dad! He's brilliant!"

…

"Percy?"

"Oliver," Percy muttered, blinking. How had he never made the connection? "I, uh. Didn't realise you were the coach."

Oliver smiled, and Percy remembered that smile, but he wished he didn't. Oliver's smile dimmed, and Percy wondered what he'd read on Percy's face.

"Molly, uh… she enjoys the weekends. She really likes playing for the team."

"We love having her," Oliver replied, a little muted now. "She's fantastic."

Percy nodded. "She's like her mum."

…

Percy started going to more of Molly's games.

He went to Lucy's ballet recitals too, and listened to her play the clarinet.

Both of his children were talented.

There was nobody at the ballet recitals that made butterflies flutter in his stomach though.

…

"I, uh. That first day, I didn't…" Percy rubbed the back of his neck. "I wasn't displeased to see you. It was just a surprise, that's all."

Oliver nodded, and his smile was bright once more.

Nobody had smiled at Percy that way since Audrey.

Percy couldn't quite manage to smile back so brightly.

…

"Molly told me about your wife," Oliver said, after a practice that Percy had made it home in time to pick Molly up from. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Perce."

Percy swallowed hard. "It was, uh, two years ago."

"I know. That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt."

What else could he do but nod? Oliver wasn't wrong. Percy didn't think it would ever stop hurting completely.

…

It had been three years and Percy dreamt about Audrey telling him it was okay to move on and be happy.

Percy woke up with tears still drying on his cheeks and a pain in his chest that wouldn't go away.

His mum took the girls for the weekend, and George got drunk with him and handed him tissues.

…

Oliver had been Percy's first love. They'd shared a dormitory in boarding school, and Percy fell in love hard.

It was unrequited.

At least, Percy thought it was. He'd never bothered to ask.

…

"I thought maybe we could get lunch?" Oliver asked, his eyes focused on the ball in his hands rather than on Percy. "Catch up?"

Percy opened his mouth to say no, but what came out was, "Okay."

He didn't know how he felt about that, but Oliver's smile was blinding.

…

Lunch turned into a weekly event, and then turned into dinner.

It turned into days out with Molly and Lucy, and it turned into shy smiles and flushed cheeks and the wonder of another life that Percy wasn't sure that he was ready for.

It turned into quiet talks and reminiscing.

It turned into Oliver saying, "Tell me about her," and Percy not hesitating.

…

Percy didn't break down after Oliver kissed him softly, but he sat in the back room of the joke shop for an hour and let George tease him.

The girls didn't ask if Percy was trying to replace their mum when he explained to them that they'd be seeing more of Oliver.

His mum just smiled softly at him, and told him, "You're not forgetting her. She'd want you to be happy."

…

Oliver caught him watching through the window when he was playing football with the girls and he smiled brightly.

Nobody had smiled at Percy like that since Audrey.

Percy… Percy smiled back.


End file.
